Well, as I'm sure you can tell by the title, today has been just that. An emotional roller coaster.
At about 5 this morning (Hawaii time) I got a call from my older sister, R. She said she wanted to let me know what was going on, and preceded to tell me that my youngest sister, M, had just had a seizure and they were headed to the ER.
Seeing as I was half asleep, it only partially registered in my head. I remember getting off of the phone, sitting up, and saying a prayer. The first of many. I went back to sleep, and then got up to get ready for church, meanwhile hoping and praying that M was okay.
I went to church, and it was wonderful. I love my ward, and I always learn so much. The spirit is so strong during the meetings, and I love it. It was especially nice this morning. All throughout church I was thinking of M, and it just didn't seem real that my sister was in the hospital. I mean, life is supposed to go on hold when you move away, and now her I am across the ocean and no where near my sweet sister when I felt like she needed me the most.
After church I got the news that they were home, so we started to Skype (a weekly occurrence that I am so thankful for... especially with everything going on today). While we were Skyping, she seemed tired but other than that, alright. At some point her arm started shaking, or I guess a better word for it would be convulsing. It is so scary to watch someone you love have a seizure, knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do for them. And then to add in the distance, it was a little overwhelming. By the second seizure I was starting to get worried, as they were progressively getting worse.
Because the computer was in front of her, I am pretty sure I was the main thing she was looking at. It was so hard to stay strong and not break down in tears. I hated seeing her like that. We would ask her questions and she couldn't remember the answers. Simple things like her favorite color, favorite animal, and what she did the day before. She couldn't grab onto anything, and she couldn't lift her arms. It was like her precious little body went limp. For those of you who have seen a seizure, I am sure you know what I mean. And if you haven't, I pray you never do, because it is one of the scariest things to see.
L, my little brother, was so sweet. He was holding her hand, and rubbing her head, and doing all he could to help her stay comfortable. I hope she could feel how much she is loved. Once my parents told M she had to go back to the hospital it just made it worse. She couldn't calm down, and she kept saying that she didn't want to go to the hospital. Eventually the seizure stopped, and my dad took her to the car, and then they were gone. There I was staring at the couch where she had just been. I couldn't fight the tears anymore. I just let them fall.
Once my parents and M were gone, the rest of my sisters and my brother just sat and cried. We said a prayer together, and then I let them go. I called my neighbor to make sure she was home, and before I could even make it out the door she was there holding me while I cried. I am so grateful for my sweet housemates, and for my sweet friends who where there at the moment when I needed them the most.
K (my neighbor) and I went up to her place and we watched Psych (Thank you S!) which was nice to help me feel a little bit better.
M is doing better right now, and is admitted to the hospital overnight. Tomorrow she will meet with a neurologist to see if they can figure out what is going on.
For right now, I am okay. It still doesn't feel completely real, more like a bad dream that I will wake up from any minute. I am grateful for prayers, and the power that they can bring, and I am grateful for my family.
We still don't have any answers, so for now we pray. We pray that everything will work out, that the doctors will be able to diagnose what is wrong. We pray for M, that she will continue to be strong, and the she will be alright. It's a lot to take in, but I know that our prayers are always answered, not necessarily in our way or in our timing, but rather in Gods, and I trust him.
Southern Belle in Paradise
wishing she could be home...
