So CLOSE!!!

But yet so far.

I officially have one more paper due, and then a hula final, a Hawaiian Studies oral exam, a Book of Mormon final, a English final, and a Biology final left before I get to go home for the holidays. And, although it may seem like a lot, I am not worried. Last week was so much worse. All I have to do today is take a Psychology test (open notes) and then finish my research paper, and then I can take a much needed break. :) It doesn't sound too bad when I put it that way, now does it. Haha.

This week in Psychology we are talking about stress management - perfect topic for finals week if you ask me. Today we discussed the most important part of stress management. I'll give you a hint. It's something that you do everyday. :) That's right. Breathing. Well first we counted how many breaths we took in a minute - I took 20. Then we breathed (is that the right tense?) in for 5-7 counts, held it, and then breathed out for 5-7 counts, repeating that for a minute - I took 5 breaths. Awesome huh? It's even better if you can get down to 2-3 breaths a minute, but I'm not that skilled. Anyways, then we took our pulse while breathing normally - 65 bpm. Then while controlling our breathing as we had before, while exhaling we told ourselves "Heart Beat Slower." Well... This is where things get a little crazy. During this exercise I started to freak out, and then could feel myself start to almost gasp for air. While I was doing that my brain started replaying what had happened while scuba diving a couple months ago.

Here is the Background Story.
I hate when water gets near my nose, and as a child when swimming I always had to plug it. I think that this may have started when I was little, and we were at some museum thing (my mom knows the exact story). Well, I fell into some swampy like thing, and although probably shallow, and completely safe, I freaked out. I started picturing some sort of swamp monster attacking me, and I thought my life was over, then my sister pulled me out. I know I may have over reacted a little bit... but I am honestly still traumatized from this experience. Well, over the years I have gotten better and now can swim without plugging my nose, and I even enjoy scuba diving, and even though this story I am about to tell definitely traumatized me even more, I still love it. Okay. Here goes.

Background Story Number Two.
We were on a deep dive, at a shipwreck. It was the coolest thing. There were giant turtles, and so many other awesome things. I loved it. Sometimes while diving I start to hyperventilate a little bit, but then I remind myself that I am fine, and I will be okay, and then I start to gain control of my breathing and do just fine. Well, this works great... Most of the time. So we were finishing the dive and about to go up. I was the first to grab onto the line, and as I went into an upright position my mask began to be pushed of from the pressure of the bubbles now hitting it. I caught it, but it was now full of water, and I began to freak out. I tried to continue breathing through my mouth, but water had hit my nose, and I thought I was done for. I seriously, without a doubt thought that I was going to die. It was going to be the end of my life, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I couldn't breathe. It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. After much panic I remembered what I had done when we had to practice removing our masks while learning how to scuba dive. I plugged my nose. It sounds like such a simple thing, but in the midst of choking on water I had almost forgotten. As soon as I remembered, I did just that. I plugged my nose. My eyes were still closed because my mask was flooded, but at least I could breathe. I slowly began to inch my way up the line, and I remember thinking that a shark was going to come and attack me and that I wouldn't be able to see it coming. I was still so scared. After I while I had calmed myself down, and then I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I knew it was from the dive master... I motioned to him that I was okay and kept going, still with my nose plugged and my eyes shut tight. I thought I was good to go, but then he tapped me again... There was nothing that I could do besides to clear my mask. So I did, and then I could see. I could breathe and I could see, and I remembered how easy it was to clear a mask... And I survived. I didn't drown under 100ft of water, and I didn't get attacked by a shark. I was okay.

Now back to my Psychology class today...
I started to remember the thoughts, and the feelings of what I thought was going to be my death. I tried to control it, and to continue to control my breathing, but it was hard. After the activity my Professor asked how everyone did. Everyone, but me had successfully lowered their heart rates... Mine? It increased to 78 bmp. Not fully connecting why I asked him if it is a bad thing that mine increased. His answer was that I may not have felt safe, and that the situation may have been stressful. Then it clicked... I can't control my breathing. When I do I freak out. I always have, and now I know why.

Well, now that I have shared with you my conditioned fear of controlling my breathing I am going to get back to my studies.

Hopefully next week when I am back in Alabama I will be able to post some more stories and some more pictures.

Southern Belle in Paradise